Bathroom Business

I’ve figured out the real reason pregnant people waddle. Yeah, I know some have back problems and all that jazz, but I think the real reason is because you have to pee all of the time. You can kegel until you are blue in the face, but it doesn’t matter. You’ve got what, 6 pounds of baby and 4 pounds of ambotic fluid baring down on your poor little bladder. You are doing everything it takes to hold it in. And honestly, there is not a better feeling in the world than peeing itself. I know you think I’m gross, but when you can’t catch a buzz for 9 months, you have to start deriving pleasure from other places!!!!

This whole peeing subject brings me to a completely different topic instead, public bathrooms. How many times have you been to a public restroom and there is someone in the stall next to you talking on the phone? Are you serious? You’re conversation is so important that you can’t hang up for 2 minutes and do your business? I’m sorry, it’s gross. OK, so maybe you don’t care that the person on the other line can hear you drop your kids off at the pool, but did you ask them? I would think they would be highly offended. Even better, did you ask me? I don’t want you friend knowing about my bathroom business. What if I have to fart? Honestly, there is really no conversation in the world that is really that important unless you are a ER Doctor and you are talking an intern through an emergency tracheotomy or something. I am sure the person on the other line would be more than happy if you said, “hey, I need to use the restroom. Can I call you back in 3 minutes?” Yes, cell phones have made the world convenient but do they really need to be THAT convenient? Not to mention, just the whole holding something to your mouth while managing the wiping of your parts has to be some sort of biohazard. I think you get my drift.
I’m making a new line of bumper stickers, instead of the “HANG UP AND DRIVE”, “HANG UP AND PEE”.